I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize