8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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