so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
