I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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