What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
