u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just forgot I was standing up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
