And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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