No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
