somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
