Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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