So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
