you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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