pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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