For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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