she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
