I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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