I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
