if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
