Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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