apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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