my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
