well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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