I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
