maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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