If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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