i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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