So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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