I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
