i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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