Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
