I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
