can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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