am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
