Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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