please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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