found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
