when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
