just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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