I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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