please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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