please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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