The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
