At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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