come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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