I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
