Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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