You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
