I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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