I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
