How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
