i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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