I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm eating all of the evidence.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
