Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
