I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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