Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
