..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
