She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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