just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
