I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
