the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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