before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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