You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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