his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
