you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
