brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
