K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
