I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
