you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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