I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
