definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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