piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
