Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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