life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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