I have demons in me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
