I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
soo... how was my night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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