I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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