hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
vagina is talking i cant
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
