Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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