I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How external is "for external use only"?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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