i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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