can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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