Redeem this text for a blowjob
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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