Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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